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Loneliness
Oct. 15th, 2017 10:50 pmI just feel so alone in trying to be an adult. I know that maybe it just means that I'm childish, but I am so exhausted. I almost feel worse than before fall break happened, even though I know I desperately needed the sleep if nothing else to recover myself. I also got to go to the doctor and to get a tooth repaired.
I wish that today could have happened before today. My dad awakened in rare form, ready to take on... everything that should have been peacefully arranged this week. He wanted to get the oil changed on my mom's car and mine and asked for my credit card to do it. I'm living here with no consistent bills or contributing but the cell phones and stuff, so it's fair. Then he decided we HAD to wash mom's car. Then he decided we HAD to have another light on my car looked at, piece of crap that it is.
And I'm coming down off being off my antidepressants for several days now. I think I have to do this, but I don't know if I'm going to be okay without trying another drug family. I'm already getting short-fused, emotionally. I haven't broken down sobbing like that in months and months except the day after the worst day I ever had at work so far, but I am still swollen, still sore, and tired. The thing is, I told my dad that if he would just WARN me before he needs my time commitment I would respond much better, but he has some kind of anxiety related control issue where it's like he needs to be be obeyed at once in order to cope with his own sense of spiraling. Toxic masculinity much.
Today ended okay but it was hell getting here, and I am already feeling like I am being sentenced to going through motions I can't possibly perform adequately by going back to work.
I wish that today could have happened before today. My dad awakened in rare form, ready to take on... everything that should have been peacefully arranged this week. He wanted to get the oil changed on my mom's car and mine and asked for my credit card to do it. I'm living here with no consistent bills or contributing but the cell phones and stuff, so it's fair. Then he decided we HAD to wash mom's car. Then he decided we HAD to have another light on my car looked at, piece of crap that it is.
And I'm coming down off being off my antidepressants for several days now. I think I have to do this, but I don't know if I'm going to be okay without trying another drug family. I'm already getting short-fused, emotionally. I haven't broken down sobbing like that in months and months except the day after the worst day I ever had at work so far, but I am still swollen, still sore, and tired. The thing is, I told my dad that if he would just WARN me before he needs my time commitment I would respond much better, but he has some kind of anxiety related control issue where it's like he needs to be be obeyed at once in order to cope with his own sense of spiraling. Toxic masculinity much.
Today ended okay but it was hell getting here, and I am already feeling like I am being sentenced to going through motions I can't possibly perform adequately by going back to work.
